When God said, “Let there be light!” Chuck said, “Say please”.

Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.

If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris, and they both fought, they would both win.

The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.

Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick-related deaths have increased by 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’s beard. There is only another fist.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage. It’s now called Red Bull.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.

On the 7th day, God rested, and Chuck Norris took over.

Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.

Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick is so powerful that it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris’s enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger by yelling, “Bang!”

Chuck Norris does not use spellcheck. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.

Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.