The Dead Horse Theory (a.k.a. Modern Government in a Nutshell)
The Dakota Indians had it nailed centuries ago:
“When you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.”
Simple, logical, elegant.
Sensible advice. Straightforward. The kind of thing any half-witted child could grasp.
But not our politicians. OH, NO!
When it comes to running the country and particularly the NHS, they’ve turned flogging a dead horse into a bloody Olympic sport. Here’s how they do it (after countless meetings):
- Buy a stronger whip. Because flogging a corpse always works.
- Change the rider. Same shit, different arse.
- Appoint a committee. Meetings (Yes! More Fucking Meetings) fix everything, right?
- Fly around the world to see how other countries ride their dead horses. A Jolly at the taxpayers’ expense.
- Lower the standards, so the dead horse technically qualifies as “alive-ish.”
- Rebrand it: it’s not dead, it’s “living-impaired.” Sorted!
- Hire overpriced consultants to recommend flogging it harder.
- Strap a bunch of dead horses together and call it “innovation.”
- Throw money at it. Billions. Trillions. Taxpayers love that.
- Commission a productivity study: “Would thinner jockeys make the corpse run faster?”
- Spin it: “Dead horses are cheaper – no feed required! Look at the savings for the economy!”
- Rewrite the targets so the dead horse technically succeeds.
And finally – ‘the pièce de résistance’
- Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position. Make it a senior manager on £200k a year, give it a shiny new title like Director of Equine Sustainability, and make a press release about “record investment in healthcare.”
This sounds all too familiar, doesn’t it?
If you don’t get this, you clearly haven’t been alive long enough to watch our governments (all of them – regardless of party) dress up incompetence as strategy.
The rest of us? – We’re standing here screaming: “GET OFF THE FUCKING HORSE, YOU ABSOLUTE FUCK-WIT LUNATICS.”
5 responses
Government theory? That implies they actually have a theory. It’s like watching a dog chasing its own tail, amusing, but tragically unproductive.
At least the dog has a chance to catch its tail. The government can’t even locate the tail, let alone fucking chase it.
Nothing says efficient system like a bloated bureaucracy playing pass the parcel with accountability. Cheers for the laugh you wonderful Moose!
Ah, the sweet scent of cynicism. As delightful as a cup of cold tea. Bureaucracys a circus, alright. Just dont forget your clown shoes. Cheers!
Government Theory – where common sense goes to die and bureaucracy is born. It’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion. Morons – the lot of them!